Fake Steve Jobs on the Music Biz

By far one of the funniest books I’ve read in many years is “oPtion$ – the secret life of steve jobs” by fake steve jobs. This Jobs reminds me a lot of a less literary version of Joseph Heller’s King David in “God Knows.” But it is not a “joke” book. Well, OK, it is a parody but it is as well written as most of the “serious” books I’ve read in a long time. And there’s an out-loud-laugh per page. The book is fantastic: get it, steal it, mooch it, whatever, just read it.

As all good parody goes, the brilliance lies in how close it cuts to the bone. On the record industry (this isn’t the funny part):

“Fact is, the music companies are in a dying business, and they know it. Sure, they act all cool because they hang around with rocks stars. but beneath all the glamour these guys are actually operating two very low-tech businesses. One is a form of banking, though it’s really more like loan-sharking: They put up money to make records, and then they force recording artists to pay the money back, plus loads of interest. The other business is distribution. They’ve got big warehouses and they control the shipment of little plastic boxes that happen to have music in them. We’ve seen what the Internet has done to music retailers. Next to go are the big stupid warehouses. The label guys know it, which is why these bastards are fighting like cornered rats.”

I mean, that’s it, no?